SUICIDE: AVERTED

DJ FUCKING PRETENTIOUS and I suffer from a terrible affliction I like to call "we don't fucking get to dance enough." It's like a vitamin deficiency, if you will. Except with less rickets and more underused hips and lack of Natty Boh. I, for one, have nearly lost the ability to feel pounding bass. Help!

ANNOUNCING:
THE WEEKLY SHITSHOW SHITSHOW aka THE SHITSHOW ON LOCATION

We've decided to commit to going dancing once a week. Once a week! I'll recover my zeal for life again. I'd nearly given up.

This is not just a SHITSHOW writer's retreat. Everyone is welcome! Please, someone else come! Please???? There will be booze, I promise.

Ideally we'll alternate between DC and Charm City. We'll keep ya posted!

This week's SHITSHOW ON LOCATION is Thursday, only two short days from now! We'll be hitting up "Global Bass Dance Music For The Present," whatever that means. Anyway, it's at The "Posh Cavern" inside the "Red Maple" somewhere in Baltimore. 930 N Charles St. Wherever that is. DJ FP says you can crash on his couch.

I'M ON BUSINESS TRIPS FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS SO IF THERE'S NO POSTS THEN IT'S ENTIRELY HELENATORS FAULT BLAME HER

Sincerely,
DJ Fucking Pretentious

RUMOUR MILL: NATALIE PORTMEN REUNION TOUR!?!?!?

Folks, this is what we've all been waiting for pretty much our entire lives. I've heard through some of my undisclosed and totally anonymous sources here at THE SHITSHOW's news desk that THE NATALIE PORTMEN are getting back together for a winter reunion tour. Where will they play first and when? No one knows. The band has yet to release an official statement, although members of the SHITSHOW STEERING COMMITTEE are hopeful they will do so through our media outlet.

SOUNDTRACK CONTEST

What song is playing in this animated gif? YOU DECIDE.

The winner, chosen arbitrarily by the SHITSHOW STEERING COMMITTEE, will receive a generously portioned slice of cheese from DJ FUCKING PRETENTIOUS and possibly a lapdance from THE HELENATOR.