Like bmore club on valium

THE HELENATOR was excited about this. She's often excited about things. So I had my arm twisted into writing a review for Bird Peterson's most recent (is it even? not sure, don't care) mixtape. Usually I love the shit outta some Bird Peterson. But this one has me a little less than excited. It's bmore club (WHICH I LOVE BEYOND ALL ELSE IN THIS WORLD), but he made it weird, and took away its teeth. No more obnoxious claps, snares, or even laser beams. Gone. Little did he know that THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT AWESOME, THOSE ARE THE GOOD PARTS OF MY BMORE CLUB. Shit man, could he fuck with DC's bullshit gogo scene instead? Baltimore knows what it's doing, let well enough alone. I guess there's other tracks that are just ridic without being bmore club, and some of those have been remixed in a way that makes them electronicky and less obnoxious, but really I'm not impressed. Maybe with the bass turned way up it's a different experience but at present I am only disappoint. Hot Jams Forever by Bird Peterson

I GO HARDCORE

I've been meaning to post some of these tracks forever, in a long-promised hip-hop/rap post. Especially since DJ FUCKING PRETENTIOUS took over posting all of his bullshit nu-disco shit (what are you, French?). SO unAmerican.

This right here? 100% homegrown. Except for Sinden and Bok Bok, but whatever.

Favorite song of the last month, no joke. Another one of those tracks that I'm SURE my neighbors/roommates hate me for. Once that bassline kicks in, you're dead.
Darq E Freaker - WAKA x CHERRYADE (Sinden Edit) by Sinden

I posted this already, but fuckit.
Kelly Rowland feat. Lil Wayne - Motivation (Diplo Remix) by We Are S.M.E Blog

Trina will always be relevant, if only in MY HEART.
Trina - Waist So Skinny featuring Rick-Ross by dbbTRINA

For your obligatory terrible but somehow still awesome (to me) song, we've got Look At Me. I mean, Lil' Scrappy and Night Slugs' own Bok Bok? HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG????
09. Lil' Scrappy - Look At Me (Bok Bok Remix) by brodinski-boe

Turn your subs up to 11, put on all the bling you own, and hit PLAY. You'll thank me later.

Also, best Metro find EVER:
Yes, that IS a blinged-out Kool Aid Man. You're jealous.

KEEP IT DIRTY

This is way, way overdue. Behold: a Crookers post! Crookers is not for sexy time. Crookers is hardcore dance music. Crookers does not make you loft your solo cups into the air because you will be too busy spilling your drink on your sequined dress dancing so hard. Crookers will hypnotise you with the absolute madness of their beats. You will ignore everything for Crookers. Loop it. Loop those beats hard.

And Crookers will get you laid. But please don't listen to this while you're doin' it. DISASTER WILL STRIKE. That's what Luvstep is for.

Commence m-m-m-ega post:
Crookers and Lil Jon - Hey Knobbers (Team Jaguar's "2008 will never die" Mix) by Team Jaguar
Day 'N' Nite (Crookers Remix) by shdowling
Dooms Night (Crookers Remix) by shdowling
Two Door Cinema Club Something Good Can Work Crookers Dirrrrrty Mix by shdowling
Savage Skulls & Douster – Bad Gal (Crookers Remix) – Douster Caliente Edit by shdowling

And remember this? Mandatory attendance.

BASHMENT TIME

Insiders in THE SHITSHOW PARTY PLANNING COMMITTEE have recently leaked the plans of one of our star performers playing at SHITSHOW: THE PARTY.

MAN WITHOUT PANTS told me that he plans to incorporate some of his infamous dance hall style into the epic amazinglyness that is his upcoming set. I've included a recent mixtape by Nick Catchdubs to prime you for the awesomeness.

Expect the following:
- Foghorns
- BASS DROPS
- Palm trees
- Lazer Beams
- Red Stripe

Pomp&Clout Mix #10 - Catchy Bashment by Nick Catchdubs

PS. The word "Bashment" means a really big, awesome party. In Jamaica. While I was working there, there was this sign for BASHMENT GRANNY!!!! After months of wondering what the hell that meant, someone informed me that it was actually a play.

FROM THE ULTRABLOG CHAT FILES

i guess you might want some musics because this is a musics blog
DJ Skeet Skeet - Trap House Volume 1 by shdowling

it's a mixtape from this dude so you know it's GOLD see what i did there?:

The only Usher song I will ever endorse

It's a remix, predictably. And I would trust no one better to pull it off than MSTRKRFT.

OBAMA PIMPS WHITE WOMEN AND BLACK WOMEN

I should have posted this a long time ago, as it's quite possibly the best baltimore club song, and for that matter the best song that's ever been made. I hope it ends up in the National Archives as a historical relic of our times. Specifically a relic of those days in 2009 when Obama wasn't just the President, he was also A LONG-LEGGED MAC DADDY.

IT'S BARBIE, BITCHES

This song has nearly everything I love in a hot tune: Nicki Minaj, some hip-hop-py rappin', AND bmore club. Helll yeah.

This is about as pleasant a bmore club remix you gon' get, son.
DJay 360 - Moment 4 Life (BMore Club Mix) by DJay360

BONUS: more typical Nicki Minaj song that's crazy sexy (and weird). This shit gives new meaning to "booty bass"